Linds and I drove back home this afternoon from Mayo. The drive wasn’t too bad but I’m already annoyed with it. A stupid thing to complain about when I’ve got Mayo within driving distance. I spent most of my youth up and down that highway, and it reminds me too much of my childhood. Even college years (it was one of two ways to get to Winona). But, small price to pay.
The internist at Mayo called me to say they’d gotten the results of the lymph nodes, which are positive, as they suspected. Nothing shocking here. Those will come into play during surgery.
Still no results on the skin biopsy. We’ll probably get those before the weekend.
A nurse from Mercy called me to go over Friday’s port placement. Turns out you get some sedation but most of the pain removal is from lidocaine. Having now done…3 of these procedures, being able to SEE what’s happening is a bit of a mindfuck. Still, the feeling is minimal – mostly same for the recovery.
It’s still hard not to worry, anxious about what it might be like. And like Lindsay said, I go in alone, into cold rooms with several nurses and doctors who read you consent forms and ask about your living will. I really don’t want to be the “odd chance.” So much waiting. It makes it so hard to think positively or be brave.
This has been quite a bit like having depression/anxiety, where you somehow find the strength to build back your energy, and then it’s easier to face things. I’m hoping to find more tricks to calm my mind while I’m waiting. I’d love suggestions. A lot of the time, you’re without your phone – you have to store all that stuff. I wonder if they’d let me carry around a book…
On a lighter note, Lindsay and I were going through the notes from the recent appointments, and she noticed that they referred to me as “pleasant” in my history notes. ?
Not sure anyone has referred to me as “pleasant,” but I’ll take it!
