Field Notes

The Big C

If you’re here, you know I have breast cancer. It’s all happening very fast and there are a lot of unknowns. You know me and my writing so I had to create a space where…

Day 2: Big Update

I started this post early in the day but by the end of it, things had totally changed. Amazing how both your mood and outlook change drastically over the course of learning things. Also, the…

Just another Saturday

Last night was the first night I had a tough time sleeping. The stress of everything has triggered my TMJ (grinding and clenching). Cancer hasn’t worked its way into my dreams yet, so that’s the…

Monday Updates

In recent years, I’ve been careful about how much of myself I put out there because I continue to struggle with self-worth. Turns out a lot of it stems from traumatic stress from my childhood,…

Treatment Plan #1

This morning, I met with the surgeon at the Virginia Piper Breast Center. He explained the diagnosis (stuff we knew) and then recommended chemotherapy first with Herceptin, which he says is the best advent to…

Genetic Counselor Day

I don’t need to set alarms to get up anymore. If the kids don’t do it, the dog does. This meant I wasn’t late for the virtual appointment with the genetics counselors. There were two…

Help a Girl Out!

Well, hello everyone! Laura has made me, Lindsay, an admin on her blog site as well, so sometimes you’ll also be getting to hear from me too – this is a dangerous proposition, but if…

PET Scan Results

I was too tired to write anything yesterday – not eating takes a big toll on me. But. Fantastic news from the surgeon this morning: cancer is localized to the breast! Hells yeah. That’s the…

The Mayo Appointment

The Mayo. Was. Crazy. It’s like an airport, seriously. And so many damn people. I can network in a room full of LMA people but put me with a bunch of strangers with different agendas,…

Oncologist

Today was one of the harder days for me. There was a huge part of me that wanted to skip the appointment and reschedule it for another day. Only I don’t really have that luxury.…

Chemo Education

After a deep sleep, I felt better this morning (sans the super puffy eyes!). Unexpected setbacks really suck. I thought we were over that part. But on the flip side, better to know now rather…

An appointment on my “day off”

Good thing I write these at the end of the day because I’ve been through ALL of the emotions. ? There were no planned appointments today, which I was feeling pretty excited about. Lindsay reminded…

Echo (echo echo)

It’s finally Friday. Today’s appointment was at the hospital up here for an echocardiogram. It’s an ultrasound of the heart. The technician kept apologizing for how cold everything was (it IS cold!) but we joked…

A Normal Saturday

As I write this, we are still furiously cleaning the house for Auntie Windsay’s arrival (that’s how Mae says it). (I’m sure you all understand this!) It’s been nice to have something to be excited…

Holiday Weekend

It’s been a good weekend! The kids got to stay up late to pick up Auntie Lindsay from the airport. We’ve been doing fun things with the kids so far. We trekked down to Rochester…

The Waiting Game

I know Laura will write her own post about this, but since most of you will be in the same boat that I am – being on the waiting side – I thought I’d share…

Biopsies Galore

It’s been a loooooong day, unexpected but good. We were up early for a study ultrasound. They used not one but FOUR machines to do ultrasounds on my right breast. Pretty easy. But then they…

Positive Lymph Nodes

Linds and I drove back home this afternoon from Mayo. The drive wasn’t too bad but I’m already annoyed with it. A stupid thing to complain about when I’ve got Mayo within driving distance. I…

Port of Entry

The &TLDR version is that the port is in, and Laura is recovering well! For those of you who enjoy reading the story version, we were up before six am (after being up way too…

The Port

It’s been a rough few days of recovery. The nurse even told me I have a high pain tolerance and yet I was knocked on my ass for two days. I’m surprised they don’t give…

Pain

For some reason, when I think of “pain,” I sing Bowe. But pain sucks a lot more than Bowie. These incisions are ITCHY, and it feels like I’m ripping them open when I move. After…

Treatment Plan #2

Lots of information today & made one of the many decisions. We made it to Rochester by 9, I was asleep not long after. First appointment was at 8 with the Mayo oncologist, a lovely…

Tacos, Titties & Therapy

I’m no stranger to depression and anxiety; it’s been a battle the majority of my life. I’ve written about it quite a bit in the past. It’s funny to now be in a position where…

Chemo Scheduled

My first “oncology infusion” is a week from Friday. It gives me a little bit more time to heal from the incisions and vaccinations. The oncologist’s nurse ordered the medications I’ll need to take –…

Skin Biopsy

First things first… If you want to help… You can join this Facebook group. I won’t be in it, but I’ve been assured it’s not there for you to talk shit. 😉 This way, I…

Chemo Week

The weekend felt like the last of something. Being normal. Not being pumped full of drugs. There was one night where I just couldn’t settle my mind down. I worried about all the work I…

Supportive DNA

More often than not, the day starts one way and ends another. I was hoping to get more time in to see people. But then I somehow forgot my kid’s birthday. Double-booked a few friends.…

Chemo Eve

Life never turns out like I plan anymore. ? This cold kicked my ass a bit. Spent a lot of time resting in hopes I’d at least make it to Evelyn’s birthday dinner. I did!…

Chemotherapy: Round 1

Today started out like a lot of days: my alarm didn’t go off, and instead of getting up at 7, we were up at 8. We rallied quickly and made it EARLY. First up is…

Chemo Round 1: Day 1

Yes, I am tracking rounds and days. I like tracking things. This is why I had a great excuse to buy some fountain-pen-friendly notebooks and soft leather covers that I just NEEDED for tracking symptoms.…

Day 2 After Chemo

All things considered, I’m doing pretty well. Heartburn/acid reflux seems to be the worst of it, next to the jaw pain (yep!). I’ll call the nurses tomorrow and see if I should just take OTC…

Toxicity Check

I’ve been hanging in there. It’s been kind of a rough week but I’ve been mostly on top of my symptoms. Today I went in for a toxicity check – yeah, they want to make…

Looking Back at Week 1

Mental Health I haven’t been as forthcoming about the first week as I might have been with other things. Not like I need to disclose this, but I pride myself on being open and honest.…

The Hair

You know, I really wasn’t that upset about my hair. Evelyn was upset about my hair. I was kinda looking forward to wearing all sorts of colors that I’ve never had. It’s like when you…

Chemo Eve: Round II

I find myself thinking about a lot of things these days. This blog tends to be an outlet for me; but I’m also 36 with a career – a professional, if you will! – I…

Chemo Infusion #2

Today was unexpectedly good. It was a looooong night, however. Took me forever to go to bed and then I was awoken early from the little monkies. Worth it, though. My appointment was at 10,…

Post-Chemo Round 2, Day 1

So again…kinda like pregnancy…we count days post-chemo. The first week was the worst last time. Then you have the 7-10 days post-chemo where your white blood cell count is at its lowest. The nurse told…

Tired

This week must finally be taking a toll on me. Usually by this point, I’m getting energy back. That has not been the case yet. I’ve been reluctant to give details on my mom’s health…

Weekend Updates

Mom Update I finally have a handle on what’s going on with my mom. The surgery for the broken bone in her neck is done and went well. They’ve got her pretty immobile, but she…

Nothing Else Matters

I don’t know why, but the Metallica song keeps playing through my head. I was so excited to feel well enough to be in the office today – wig and everything! You explain to people,…

Going into Round 3

It’s been a hard couple of weeks, and not really because of the cancer treatment. That’s icing on the cake. (That’s some sarcasm.) If I needed verification that I was more stressed than usual, my…

Knockdown in Round 3

Knocked down but not out. This week hasn’t been fun. My heart rate has been quite high, even while just laying down. This was also the case for the third infusion. I think my mom…

Hanging in there

Hi friends, long time no type. I’ve been a bit in my own head, or rather, bed…in some instances. This round was not kind to me. I threw up for the first time during this…

The Hotel Life

I’m down here in Rochester, living the hotel life. Tomorrow, I’ll meet with the Mayo surgeon to hopefully set my surgery date. Before I meet with the surgeon, I’ll be getting a bunch of ultrasounds…

Surgery!

TLDR; probably January 28th. Woke up at 7 am and figured I might as well get ready for the 9:30 appointment, which was a really good idea considering I got lost somehow and made it…

Chemo Infusion #4

Today was fun! I made another chemo buddy. 🙂 This is why I don’t mind the infusion part – it gives me time to get to know folks. This infusion was about an hour shorter…

Post-Chemo #4 – Day 2

TLDR; I’m doing pretty well today! But first, a… Mom Update The current place where she’s at is pretty crappy, it sounds like. It can take 20 minutes to an hour for a nurse to…

Chemo Round 4: the Aftermath

Hi! Luckily, there are very few after effects to talk about. 🙂 This has been a decent go-round. I still credit drinking lots of water. Having a five-day weekend to nap also was a big…

Working While on Chemo

Having done four rounds of chemotherapy at this point, it’s clear that the 8th day out of chemo is where it really gets better. The first week after was not bad at all this round,…

New symptoms

I am very unhappy to report a new symptom: leg swelling. Once again, I am brought back to those days I was pregnant with Evelyn at the end of the summer. Why does chemo seem…

Chemo Eve: #5

I was up early this morning for a blood draw. Only Josh was a little late and then right around the corner, there was a 5-car accident that had just happened. I was about 10…

Chemo Round 5

Five down, one to go! Easier said than done. Symptoms takes a couple days to really kick in. The first thing I notice is the dry mouth. It’s not bad right away because this is…

Merry Holidays

It’s most people’s FAVORITE time of year. Admittedly, I don’t like most holidays unless they are Halloween, so Christmas (grew up Roman Catholic) is a stressful holiday for me. My favorite part is not even…

Chemo Postponement

Dammit! I knew it was going to happen. It’s a bummer but I sorta planned on this happening anyway, so it’s not too upsetting. Hopefully, resting another week will increase that platelet count so I…

Chemo is a go

Never have I been so excited to get chemo! ???? I must have some kind of cold because those platelets really shot up (I went from 47 to 253 – I needed anything over 75).…

Done with Chemo

It’s over! It was over two weeks ago. But, there are the side effects. However, they’ve been minimal. In fact, this is the best cycle I’ve had! Must have been that extra week of rest.…

Echo

On Tuesday, I had an echocardiogram. Had one before chemo started for a baseline since the chemo drugs I was on can impair heart function. Got the results back pretty quickly, and if Google told…

10 Things I Hate About Chemo

I mean, I’m sure I could think of more than 10 things, but I stuck to 10. Hot flashes Cold sweats Unquenchable thirst Food tastes bland Your hair gets patchy (I guess that’s worse than…

Surgery Countdown

Wish I could say I’m in a better frame of mind, but I am stressing about things I shouldn’t have to be stressing about. Things don’t stop just because you have cancer, apparently. I wish…

Rehab

My palliative care doc (yes, I have one!) referred me to a local rehab center, Courage Kenney (it’s a well-known name around here). I hadn’t thought about rehab of any kind, to be honest. Didn’t…

Pre-Surgery Day 1

Lindsay arrived Saturday night. The girls were SO excited. We grabbed some dinner that night on the way home from the airport. We woke up late Sunday morning. I spent time packing everything for surgery…

Pre-Surgery Day 2 & a Pre-Surgery Farewell

Today was somewhat more leisurely. Linds had a call at 9, but we slept in till 8ish. She completed her call and then we were off to my first appointment of the day: a COVID…

Surgery

Linds and I were up early for. 7:30 check-in time. I was probably the most nervous this morning. Things were getting real. We arrived at an admissions desk and checked in. Mayo has a slick…

Post-Surgery Update

I think I’m recovering pretty nicely. The worst part about surgery is the damn ITCHING. Itching around the drain area. Itching from the corset/binder I have to wear. Itching from the dry skin you get…

Surgery Post-Op & Radiation

Mayo Appointments Linds and I traveled to Rochester on Thursday night for three Friday appointments. We took the long way down, headed east towards and into Wisconsin. Stopped in Red Wing for the cool pottery…

Elasticity

Poor Me I know it’s terrible of me to make this joke, but I keep telling people that cancer is the best thing I have going for me right now. Out of all the things…

Radiation Simulation

Well, I was partially right. I got tattoos but they were not for where the protons go. It’s where my body lines up with the CT machine. I’ve had CT scans in the past but…

Accommodations

It dawned on me just a week before radiation that I needed a place to stay. The local cancer place has a waiting list and it’s at limited capacity thanks to COVID. One option was…

Chemo Side Effects: Update

The worst of the chemo side effects are over, but there are still some lingering ones. Nails Several of them are starting to lift towards the end of my fingertips. None have fallen off yet.…

Tony

That was his name. Tony. I went to high school with Tony. He was a grade ahead. We went to a tiny school where everyone not only knows everyone else but is also related. His…

The Final Countdown

This week has been a shitshow. I’ve been pretty nervous about being alone for five weeks. Then on Friday, I’m driving the kids to school when we get hit by another car. We were going…

Radiation: Days 1 & 2

I survived! But it’s been a long couple of days. I miss my kids. My dogs…sleeping in this apartment has been ok. I have not been sleeping well. I think I’ve managed six hours of…

Radiation: Days 3 & 4

Day 3 Had a weird dinner out. I made reservations for myself. I sat down next to grandparents with their son and daughter-in-law and young grandkid (probably around 3/4). Because this grandmother is loud, I…

Radiation: Day 5 & the First Weekend Home

I am happy to report I love the apartment I moved into on Friday. I was up early to clean out the Airbnb and move the rest of my crap into the car. I discovered…

Radiation: Protons on Hold

Three days and no radiation. What’s a gal to do? Photon therapy. If you thought photon therapy was what I’ve been getting, you’re not the only one. Took me some minutes to figure out photons…

Radiation: Photons + Easter

Where we last left our protagonist, she was going in for photons… Which is an experience. Even the waiting room has a whole different feel to it. Things are done a little differently in the…

Radiation: Treatments 6-8

I am…exhausted. Protons are back up and running. Treatment was scheduled for 10 p.m. Monday night. I arrive to find out there’s a two-hour wait. TWO HOURS. (My instinct is to go to bed at…

The Flat Movement

Disclaimer/Warning I will be posting a photo of my chest post-double mastectomy. I acknowledge that professional contacts do read this blog. If you choose to read on, know that. I am choosing to publish a…

The Flat Movement

Patience

It’s a virtue but also hard to come by. It’s never been easy for me. I’m generally decisive and hate waiting for things but let me tell you, you do a fuckton of waiting and…

The End…of Radiation

I am done with radiation. Yay! I am having mixed feelings about it. Boo! And not necessarily the cancer, either. Life still happens even when your own little world feels like it’s on hold. I…

Goodbye, Port

Had my regular Phesgo injection on Thursday. I mentioned that I can now get the port removed so it got scheduled for TOMORROW. That went by quick. I remember the pulling from the first time,…

It’s an implant!

What. The. Fuck. I’m working backwards because today was surprising. I went in for my first Zoladex shot. All I knew about it was that it’s supposed to suppress my hormones and that I’ll get…

Laura’s Chemotherapy Tips

I had plans to write this post at some point, but a dear friend of mine has a parent about to embark on the chemo ride. If you don’t mind sending out those good, healing…

Living Out Loud

I’ve noted that I’ve been feeling a little lost. It was nine months of crisis mode, and then you’re done. Well, kinda done. I’m excited to be “back”–whatever that means–but I don’t really remember what…

hi.

This post will probably be as winding as my life seems to be, so pardon the train of thought. If you haven’t heard from me in a while, I’m sorry. It’s probably for the best,…

A long update!

I keep meaning to check in. I’m kind of in the “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” mindset. Not that cancer was ever nice. Being separated sort of puts a weird spin on…

The End of Active Treatment

After 14 months of cancer treatment, I am fucking DONE. At the beginning of this whole journey, I thought there’d be a concrete end date. A date I could point to and say, yeah, that’s…

Chemoversary

January 24th, 2022, was the last time I had a chemo infusion. The main chemo, anyway. I’m not surprised the anniversary didn’t pop out at me. It’s kind of easy to forget, considering I want…

Cancervesaries

WARNING: Chest photos! Turn back if you’re gonna be weird about it. 😉 I’ve been so busy with everything I forgot to remember that February 23, 2022, was my double mastectomy to an aesthetic flat…

Turn and Face the Strange

It seems that change is inevitable for me. I had a hard enough time keeping up with life during the pandemic, and then…you know. All the stuff. The Job The problem with having, like, 4…

July Update

Howdy, friends! It’s been four months since my last confession. During which has been another whirlwind. It’s amazing the shit that can happen to you even when you’ve been through the ringer already. But hey,…

New Site, Who Dis?

If you’ve been here before, you’ll notice a new look and a new URL! Felt kinda weird having “titties” in the name when I don’t have them. And now that I’m entering into a new…

New Oncologist = New Treatment Plan

In the July Update, I mentioned my lymph nodes had been feeling swollen. My regular oncologist didn’t think it was worth exploring even after bring it up at 3 different appointments. It doesn’t sit right…

New Year, More Life

2023 was the year of chaos and radio silence. I had a lot of healing to do. I cannot emphasis enough that for some of us cancer survivors, the aftermath is worse is worse than…

Survivorship (Or, Dealing with Long-Term Side Effects)

What does survivorship mean? It meant one thing to be pre-cancer and another thing entirely after. Before, it meant not getting cancer again. After? How to deal with the long-term side effects of cancer treatment.…

How You Know Your Body is Done with Chemo

December 2022 was my last round of chemotherapy – the Herceptin + Perjeta combo, also known as Phesgo. While it’s not the terrible chemo you generally think of, it still keeps your body in a…state…